The Christmas season is here and in full swing. Everywhere we look, there are lights, candy canes, and all kinds of festive decorations. It is a season for family, love and celebrating life. For those of us with PTSD, Christmas can be a confusing time. It can be hard to cope with lost emotions this time of year.
Watching everyone celebrate the holidays with laughter can make us ask ourselves "what is wrong with me?" Christmas was always my favorite holiday as a kid, so why can't I get into it now? It's just not the same anymore. I smile for the Christmas card pictures, I go to Christmas parties, buy gifts, and really try to participate in the season but I just don't have that connection anymore.
So, what are we supposed to do? I definitely don't want to be the one to ruin it for the rest of my friends and family. Nobody wants to be the "Scrooge" of the group. I have learned that there is a lot of comfort in doing things for others. We all learned to be selfless in the military, and that lesson can be applied to the holidays. I have decided to do the things that others do, not for myself but for those around me. They still enjoy the holiday season, and I will not be responsible for taking that away from them. Most of us have spent a Christmas overseas away from our loved ones, so we already know what its like to be isolated during the holiday season. So, what's the big deal about being with your family, and watching them light up when they think about Christmas?
So, does this mean that you're misleading your family and making them think that you're OK when you're really not? No, not at all. There is no reason why we can't be honest with those around us. Feel free to tell them, " I'm not really feeling the holiday season but it is important to me that you enjoy yours, and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen". This does not require any dishonesty. We don't have to pretend to enjoy the holidays. All it takes is spending time with our loved ones, wrapping gifts, and eating cookies. I might not get into the holidays, but I still love cookies!
We have to remember that our PTSD doesn't just affect us, it also affects our families. I hope and pray that one day I will enjoy things again. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing to work on my issues. So, hopefully this is just a temporary problem. Until things get better, we have to try and put forth some extra effort. We are all blessed to be back with our families. No matter whether we enjoy the holidays or not, I think we can all agree that it is better to be home. Good luck to all of you, best wishes for you and your families this Christmas!
~ J.R.
Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com 12/09/10
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