Our 2010 Year in Review

Here's our 2010 Year in Review:

January

JR with Congressman Kevin McCarthy (22nd District, CA)

• JR started his second year at Bakersfield College. He focused a lot of his energy on getting a Veterans Club established at BC after a recommendation from Congressman Kevin McCarthy (R).

February:

• Feb. 9: We celebrated our 4th anniversary of meeting each other on Feb. 9, 2006. To read how we met, check out Our Story HERE.
• Feb. 19: We started this blog, PTSDdiary.com. On the same day, our interview with reporter Jim Scott about dealing with TBI appeared on our local NBC affiliate. See our blog entry for more info HERE.
• Feb. 28: We attended the Wounded Heroes Fund's big fundraiser event. We blogged about it HERE.

March:

Our niece Jordyn

• We welcomed our niece, Jordyn Maxine Olivias, into the world. Her dad, Steven, was deployed to the Gulf at the time and come home a month later.
• Having a new baby in the family prompted JR to quit smoking.

April:

• We celebrated everything that has happened since our recognition of PTSD in our lives with our blog entry: A Year After the Breakdown.
• JR shared history story at the Spring Front Line Conference on PTSD and TBI and received a Quilt of Valor.
• We spoke at CalState University Bakersfield at their Veteran's Club conference on PTSD.

May:

JR placing flags at the cemetery

• JR's hard efforts to get a Veteran's Club started at BC became a reality, with the club becoming official. We blogged about it HERE.
• JR was nominated for a Recovery & Well Being Award at "The Eleventh Annual Academy Awards Banquet" hosted by Kern County Mental Health.
• We placed flags on the graves of soldiers at a local cemetery for Memorial Day... it was a very moving experience.

June:

• JR became a trained support group facilitator through NAMI California. We blogged about his experience HERE.
• We were contacted by the Oprah Winfrey show when they were interested on doing a story on PTSD. It ended up that they did a show focused on Women Veterans, so naturally JR did not qualify, but talking to the Oprah show was still very exciting for us!
• We celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary and went to an LA Dodger game.

July:

• We drove over an hour to Lancaster, CA for JR to have his QTC for our appeal regarding his disability rating for PTSD and for an psych evaluation for his initial TBI claim. While she said she saw evidence of PTSD that could increase our claim appeal, she said she saw no evidence of TBI. We have yet to receive our appeal rating, but JR did get 10% TBI and 10% for vertigo... which we are challenging again in 2011.

August:

• We shared our story of dealing with PTSD/TBI with a local Kiwannas group.
• We went on a family trip to Mammoth Lakes, CA with Nicole's family. It was a much needed time to relax.
• JR, with fellow veteran Denita Hartfield, started a Vet2Vet support group.

September:

• JR participated with AMPSurf and learned how to surf with fellow veterans with TBI, as well as amputee veterans. It was a beautiful experience and we highly recommend both the organization and the program.
• We met with our local district supervisor Mike Maggard, who's son is an Afghanstan veteran, and he vowed to declare a day for our local veterans.

October:

JR and I in our Team Warrior t-shirts at the walk

• We celebrated JR's 30th Birthday by hosting Oktoberfest at hour house with family and friends. There is no photographic evidence of this event however, but that's probably a good thing.
• October 12: JR received a certificate, along with Front Line Founder Patrice Maniaci and fellow veteran Denita Hartfield at the Kern County Board of Supervisors Meeting, where the supervisors declared the day "Front Line Day" in honor of our veterans participating in the Front Line PTSD support groups through NAMI.
• Nicole, with the help of JR of course, managed the 2010 NAMIWalk Kern County at The Park at River Walk with over 800 people in attendance and raised @$20,000 for the NAMI organization.

JR's picture on the Army Car

November:

• Nov. 4: Nicole curated an exhibit at her co-op art gallery The Foundry called "Heroes" where 20% of all sales benefited the Wounded Heroes Fund.
• Nov. 11: We participated in the Kern County Veteran's Day Parade, riding on top of the Front Line NAMI Float. The float won 1st place!
• Nov. 14: JR's picture appeared on the special Veteran's Day paint scheme for the U.S. Army Racing car #39.

December:

• Dec. 20: We attended the NAMI Christmas Party and JR received a Congressional Certificate from Congressman Kevin McCarthy, honoring JR for founding the Veterans Club at Bakersfield College.

It's been a busy year for us. Nicole managed a major fundraiser, I had my hands full with working to help student veterans, and we both decided to pursue the USC Military Social Work degree, so the work is just beginning. It has also been an eye opening year at the same time.We have met some wonderful people, and discovered some amazing organizations like Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA), and Wounded Warrior Wives. 2010 has been a year of discovery and introspection for us and many others out there.

The things that we have experienced have changed us personally, and altered the course of our lives. We are fighting this from the front, we are in the trenches, and we are proud to be a part of a community of veterans and family members who are ready and willing to educate themselves and others. Thank you to everyone that has sent us comments this year, saying that this site helped you in some way. This is very new to us, but 2011 will be even better than 2010 if we all stick together. Thank you, God Bless, and we will talk to you in 2011!

**Originally posted on our main blog: PTSDdiary.com

Coping with Christmas

The Christmas season is here and in full swing. Everywhere we look, there are lights, candy canes, and all kinds of festive decorations. It is a season for family, love and celebrating life. For those of us with PTSD, Christmas can be a confusing time. It can be hard to cope with lost emotions this time of year.

Watching everyone celebrate the holidays with laughter can make us ask ourselves "what is wrong with me?" Christmas was always my favorite holiday as a kid, so why can't I get into it now? It's just not the same anymore. I smile for the Christmas card pictures, I go to Christmas parties, buy gifts, and really try to participate in the season but I just don't have that connection anymore.

So, what are we supposed to do? I definitely don't want to be the one to ruin it for the rest of my friends and family. Nobody wants to be the "Scrooge" of the group. I have learned that there is a lot of comfort in doing things for others. We all learned to be selfless in the military, and that lesson can be applied to the holidays. I have decided to do the things that others do, not for myself but for those around me. They still enjoy the holiday season, and I will not be responsible for taking that away from them. Most of us have spent a Christmas overseas away from our loved ones, so we already know what its like to be isolated during the holiday season. So, what's the big deal about being with your family, and watching them light up when they think about Christmas?

So, does this mean that you're misleading your family and making them think that you're OK when you're really not? No, not at all. There is no reason why we can't be honest with those around us. Feel free to tell them, " I'm not really feeling the holiday season but it is important to me that you enjoy yours, and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen". This does not require any dishonesty. We don't have to pretend to enjoy the holidays. All it takes is spending time with our loved ones, wrapping gifts, and eating cookies. I might not get into the holidays, but I still love cookies!

We have to remember that our PTSD doesn't just affect us, it also affects our families. I hope and pray that one day I will enjoy things again. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing to work on my issues. So, hopefully this is just a temporary problem. Until things get better, we have to try and put forth some extra effort. We are all blessed to be back with our families. No matter whether we enjoy the holidays or not, I think we can all agree that it is better to be home. Good luck to all of you, best wishes for you and your families this Christmas!

~ J.R.

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com 12/09/10

U.S. Army Racing: Special Veteran's Day Paint Scheme

Photo of special Veteran’s Day paint scheme

The U.S. Army Racing team has created a special Veteran's Day paint scheme for the #39 Army Chevrolet that will be racing on Nov. 14th in Phoenix, AZ. The paint scheme features photographs that were submitted by veterans and their families. I admit, I know very little about racing, but when I heard about this opportunity, I submitted JR's photograph. We just found out today that his photograph was chosen and appears just below the grill on the car!

Here is the photograph I submitted. It is from his second tour in 2005.

And here is JR on the car!

Driver of #39, Ryan Newman

Images of soldiers were collected on GoArmy.com and the selected images appear on the hood, trunk, side panels and bumpers of the wheel of the No. 39 U.S. Army Chevrolet. When asked what driver Ryan Newman thought of the project, he said, "What a cool way for us to say 'thank you' and honor the Army Strong Soldiers who have served our country. This is the Soldiers' car and having the faces of the brave men and women of the U.S. Army represented will be a great inspiration and a powerful reminder of what it means to be Army Strong."

Col. Derik Crotts, Director of Strategic Communications, Marketing and Outreach, U.S. Army Accessions Command expressed, "Every time Ryan Newman drives the No. 39 Chevrolet with the Army colors, he represents the more than one million men and women who proudly serve our Nation. For this race, with this paint scheme, we pay tribute to our heroes past and present and their families. Each picture, each face, is a reminder of the sacrifice and service of the millions who have made our Army strong and our nation free."

For more information on the Army Team, the car (and all those car racing facts), and more, visit the Team Website.

~ Nicole

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com 11/8/10

Operation Homefront's Wounded Warrior Wives

You may have heard of Operation Homefront, a non-profit organization who's mission is to provide "emergency financial and other assistance to the families of our service members and wounded warriors." We highly recommend that you peruse their extensive website where you can learn about how to get assistance, what the organization does to provide help, what current needs are waiting to be addressed, how you can donate, or how you can get involved.

The Wounded Warrior Wives Newsletter

What makes this organization different from other Veteran Assistance programs is the Operation Homefront's Wounded Warriors Wives, that focuses on bringing together a community of women caring for warriors. The newsletter provides great information for wives including how to maintain hope, how to deal as a caregiver, and current legislation to help veterans and caregivers. The Wounded Warrior Wives also has a link to the blog, Wife of a Wounded Solider, which we follow regularly.

While supplies last, the organization is giving away a free gift courtesy of the Wal-Mart Foundation and Arboonne International. I did not know what to expect when I signed up, but the package I received was a pleasant surprise!

The free gift arrived in this adorable box and ribbon.

The contents of the free gift... movies, books, lotions, notecards and stamps, and more!

It was a stressful week when I received the package. What a great idea, to honor the wives that work hard to maintain the home while dealing with the complications that come with dealing with physical & mental issues of their veteran spouse. I actually cried when I opened up the package because I just couldn't believe that they had been so nice as to think of me in all of this. It was great to know that a network of women are there to share ideas, information, and support. You can sign up for free here and receive your own package while supplies last!

~ Nicole

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com 10/26/10

NAMIWalk Kern County 2010

JR and I in our Team Warrior t-shirts at the walk

Last Saturday, we participated in our local Kern County NAMIWalk 2010. Well, we didn't just participate, I was the walk manager for this year's walk, and JR was my major support system. We've been planning this year's walk since the summer, so seeing the final results on Saturday was amazing and everyone had great time.

So let's give you some background on NAMI and NAMIWalk. NAMI stands for "The National Alliance of Mental Illness." The most formidable grassroots mental health advocacy organization in the nation, since its inception in 1979, NAMI has been dedicated to improving the lives and individuals and families affected by mental illness. NAMI relies on donations to function, with affiliates across the nation. We highly recommend finding your local chapter for more information (check out. Check out their website, NAMI.org). Our local affiliate is NAMI Kern County, and the NAMIWalk is our largest fundraiser of the year. Over 80 of the affiliates host a NAMIWalk in their communities, raising money to continue providing education. We've blogged about our involvement with NAMI before (What is NAMI? What is Front Line?), but just to reiterate, we become involved with our local NAMI chapter because of their Front Line support groups for veterans and family members dealing with PTSD. We attend support groups together every 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month, and JR also co-facilitates a vet only support group though NAMI. Check out the Front Line website for more information at FrontLineNAMI.org.

Our Team Warrior Logo

For the NAMIWalk, people are asked to form teams: family teams, business teams, organization teams, etc. We called our team "Team Warrior" and it consisted of my family, and two other warriors and their families. We had both Army and Navy people on our team. Each team is asked to make a t-shirt to represent their team, so we purchased black and white camo shirts at a local army supply store and created a team "logo." We also put patches on our sleeve representing either Army or Navy (we of course had Army patches HOOAH!).

Here are more photographs from our local Kern County NAMIWalk:

Our team lead the walk around the mile long path. Here we are at the start line.

Our Family at the Walk

West High School Color Guard

The crowd as JR was speaking about Front Line Support Groups and our story.

View of the Park

Donations are still being accepted for this year's NAMIWalk until Dec. 15. If you would like to contibute more to our Team Warrior: CLICK HERE to go to our NAMIWalks Team Page.

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com 10/22/10

Organizing Your Life - Post PTSD

Looking at our calendar(s), we only have 3 PTSD related appointments this week (two neurofeedback appointments, one support group meeting). That's not too bad, considering we don't have a VA appointment this week, although we have a few coming up soon. Since JR has decided that the only option was recovery, we have been going full force. I have to credit JR with being so dedicated. It really takes the person affected to put through the effort to recover, and JR has done everything he can to become "normal" again.

Besides the emotional aspect of what happens during the recovery process, is the sheer number of appointments and meetings we have as a result. Any given day, we usually have at least one PTSD related appointment. That's not a complaint, just part of our reality at the moment. We go to every VA appointment we can get (PTSD/TBI-related or otherwise), participate in at least one support group meeting a week, at least 2 Neurofeedback appointments a week, as well as meetings with local organizations dealing with PTSD related issues. We also try to keep up on the latest information on PTSD and upkeep our little ol' blog that you're currently reading, The PTSD Diary. Did I mention that we do all of this while I have a job as a consultant and JR is using his GI Bill to go to school (as well as running his Vets Club at college and playing bass in two bands)? And we don't have children together yet. NOTE: I want to commend all of you that are parents and dealing with PTSD, you are heroes for dealing with everything on top of raising children. We hope to have children one day and want to get everything together as much as we can before that happens. Anyone with PTSD or TBI will tell you that having so much to do can lead to stress and even trigger an episode. So what do we do to counteract the stress and triggers: ORGANIZE!

To be honest, JR doesn't do too much in the way of organizing our appointments. It's really my role and I'm happy to do it. If JR is willing to go to all the appointments with little complaint, the least I can do is help him out. He doesn't have the best memory, but he knows that he can always look at our calendars and jog his memory on what is on our daily agenda.

We have a few different methods to our madness:

1. iPhone & iTouch

After listening to me complain about my inferior phone for too long, JR bought me an iPhone so that he wouldn't have to hear the complaining anymore. Seriously, it's one of the best things he's ever bought me. Besides the instant internet access and convenient camera component, it also has an iCal app that I can use to record appointments, plan for future dates, and keep track of my contacts for quick reference.

JR was given a iTouch by the OIF clinic at the VA when he expresses his issues with memory. He does use it to check on dates and to keep track of contacts, but he hasn't really started entering his own appointments into it. We have also used it as a headache log to keep track of his headache symptoms so we can better report things when we go to appointments.

Another nice feature of both the iPhone and the iTouch is that we can sync them together on our computer's calendar. Although this isn't something we remember to do often enough, it's a great feature and great if you have to coordinate multiple people as you can color code everyone's activities.

2. Large calendar on the wall

We also have a desk calendar that we can look at to coordinate our schedules. It's a great, large reference that we can both turn to when we need to look ahead easily or when we are on the phone making appointments. It's kept in a central location so that anyone can walk in our house and see what we have on the schedule. It's a little harder to update then our other calendars, simply because it's not with us all the time, but I think this method will probably be put to more use when we have kids.

3. And our best friend, our pocket calendar.

This is by far the most successful method we have found! We're lost if we don't look at it everyday. It is small and compact and I carry it in my purse everywhere I go. It's great to have in doctor's appointments, because not only can I schedule followup appointments immediately, but I can also jot down notes from the doctor. When the doctors ask who we spoke to last, it's a quick reference tool to flip though and give the doctor an immediate response (and actually more efficient the the VA computers that our doctors always scroll though during the appointments). We coordinate all of our PTSD and social events using our pocket calendar, and then I try to update our other calendar methods from this primary source. While technology is nice, it has really been more affective to pick up a pen and handwrite everything into our little trusty pocket calendar. I would start with this method first as you are organizing and let everything else branch out from here until you find the method you like best.

I confess, we are not as organized as it may sound, but we're trying to get all of our "ducks in a row" as much as we can. We've found that when we take the time to do so, our life runs just a little more smoothly and the lack of organizational stress leads to less PTSD stress. What works best for you? Especially the parents, how do you do it all? We would love to hear your opinions on the subject!

~ Nicole

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com on 8/30/10

100 Faces of War

JR came across this fantastic story of artist Matt Mitchell who is painting the portraits of 100 Portraits of Americans who served in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has set up an online exhibition at100FacesofWarExperience.org and each image is both touching and educational. As of today's date, he has completed 36 portraits and will continue his project until he reaches 100. Most of the portraits are done in person, however, some of the portraits are done posthumously. The artist asks for a statement from the subject, or from their family. The combination of words with the visual image can be both provoking and heartbreaking.

100 Faces of War Experience Portrait: Jeffery Michael Lucey by artist Matt Mitchell 2008

One of the portraits that touched us was that of Jeffery Michael Lucey of Belchertown, MA. A Marine Lance Corporal Convoy Driver, Lucey served in Iraq in 2003. Upon returning home from Iraq, he took his own life due to Post-Traumatic Stress. A letter that he wrote from Iraq accompanies the portrait, and broke my heart:

Baby,
If you have this letter, I am no longer around. This was not written to make you cry, but to let you know that because of you I lived a happy and complete life. Because of you I was able to experience what real love is and how wonderful the feeling, to truly be in love. Of course we also showed each other how frustrated we could really get but I wouldn’t even change that. You were the only person I ever loved but I don’t want that to be so for you. Live your life and enjoy every moment. I will always be there with you, watching you, and since you’re alive don’t play dead; live and find love again. Make some guy as happy as you made me, but make sure he treats you better than I did. You are an angel and deserve to be treated like a goddess.

Portrait of Rick Yarosh, who was injured in an IED in Iraq 2006, painted by artist Matt Mitchell in 2008.

Some of the portraits are done in military uniforms (ranging from dress blues to a PT shirt) while other represent the subject in a casual t-shirt or tank top. Each subject is placed against a subtle brown background, with their eyes intent on the viewer. The portraits become an intimate moment captured of the subject and an intimate experience from the viewer. Different branches of the military are represented as well as National Guard and civilians who have been to Iraq/Afghanistan during the conflicts. Some of the strongest portraits show veterans that survived an IED and brings the reality of war to the portrait series. The portrait to the left is currently on exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, DC.

The portraits can be viewed at a variety of exhibitions, mostly on the east coast. Please visit the 100 Faces of War website to view the current exhibition schedules. We hope that the portraits will eventually come to California to view the portraits for ourselves.

If you participated in the current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, you can apply on the website to have a portrait done.

~ Nicole

Originally posed on PTSDdiary.com on 8/22/10

Sending Care Packages to the Troops

Have you already read our "Our Story" section of The PTSD Diary? If so, then you may already know how we met. If not... here it goes: JR was serving in his second tour to Iraq in 2005 (OIF3). I was in my hometown of Bakersfield, CA, waiting to hear if I was going to be accepted to grad school. I did not know anyone in the military at the time, and did not know anyone who was in or had been to Iraq. But I remember hearing a story on the news about our troops and something prompted me to Google "sending care packages to Iraq." A website called "AnySoldier.com" came to my attention and through the website (and with the help of my Mom), I sent over 100 care packages to men and women who were currently serving in Iraq. JR was the first package I sent and he kindly emailed me saying "Chocolate bars are not the best items to send to Iraq because it's over 120 degrees." I was a newbie at creating care packages and the weather had never crossed my mind. It was also my first indication of the conditions what our soldiers have to endure. We kept in contact platonically by email and instant messenger and when he was on leave we met for the first time and something "clicked." The rest is, as the say, history.

So what is AnySoldier.com all about? Their website explains:

We have volunteer Soldier "contacts" on the "Where to Send" page. They list what the folks they represent want and need. Click through the names and YOU select who YOU wish to support, then YOU send direct to them. We even have a search capability so you can easily identify what the troops need, who you wish to support, etc.

All the Soldiers involved in this effort are military volunteers stationed in areas that are in harm's way. You send your support (letters and/or packages) addressed to them and when they see the "Attn: Any Soldier®" line in their address they put your letters and packages into the hands of Soldiers who don't get much or any mail first. Everything is shared.

When JR signed up for the website, he would list out what he needed/wanted for him and his fellow soldiers. He received hundreds of packages in response to his post. He gave most of the packages away to his fellow men and kept a few for himself. JR was stationed in a location that had very small PX (and at times, no PX), so any food he received, he was very thankful for. People also sent magazines, books, movies... great distractions from the everyday life in Iraq.

We sent care packages last year with the help of friends: Erica, Hayden, Nicole & Isis

We have continued to visit AnySoldier.com and send care packages together every once in a while. I even coordinated a small care package drive with my previous employer and sent out 30+ packages in 2009. You can pick from different branches (if you have a preference). Most of the soldiers will give you some information about their unit and what they would like/need on their deployment. Some items are simple (personal hygiene products, food) and some are specific (like tactical gear). And don't forget the women: they often request feminine products and magazines.

JR may not be in the military anymore, but we still feel very connected to those that fight for our country and spend deployments away from their families and love ones. It's so simple to pack up a care package and ship it off and give the men and women overseas a little piece of home.

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com 8/16/10

Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA)

I just became a new member of an organization called Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, or IAVA. Their organization is dedicated to helping OEF/OIF veterans network in a variety of ways. They provide links for employment, social networking exclusive to veterans, as well as providing general information on veteran benefits.

IAVA members pose with Miller High Life sponsors

They also help take action to help veterans. Recently I received an email from the IAVA community that held a link to a letter to congress. It was a petition to persuade congress to allow National Guard soldiers cleaning up after BP in the Gulf to count their time towards their GI Bill benefits. Due to a bureaucratic loophole, the Guardsmen and women currently do not receive active duty time for what they are doing in the Gulf, despite the fact that they are working around the clock to clean up the oil spill. Thanks in part to IAVA, congress is becoming aware that this is unacceptable. I was happy to join their efforts to change this policy by signing their petition, and I hope that the change is made quickly.

OEF/OIF veterans can go to IAVA's website and find all kinds of useful information. They update information on veteran employment rates, veteran suicide rates, changes in federal legislation (most recently the Obama administration changes in the PTSD rating system and caregiver benefits), legal benefits, financial assistance, and much more.

IAVA volunteer embraces an amputee at Dodger Stadium

They also have a fun side. Through the IAVA "rucksack" http://rucksack.iava.org, veterans can take advantage of many other benefits. IAVA has taken groups of veterans to sporting events free of charge. In California, veterans took the field at Dodgers Stadium, and had the opportunity to take pictures with legends such as Tommy Lasorda, all free of charge. Veterans have attended games at Dodger Stadium, PETCO park in San Diego (Home of the San Diego Padres), and also attended a Washington Nationals game, free of charge. Currently, veterans can sign up to attend a Packers Game in Green Bay, Wisconsin, an MLB game in Phoenix, an Alaskan fishing trip, and several other sporting events through the rucksack. Feel free to check the IAVA rucksack for events in your area.

IAVA game attendees meet baseball legend Tommy Lasorda

Any veteran of the OEF/OIF conflict can access the IAVA membership site atwww.iava.org. You will need to scan a copy of your DD-214 with your character of discharge, as well as a photo ID card such as a state drivers license. It takes IAVA about 48-72 hours to verify your eligibility. Afterwards, you may set up your social site to connect with other veterans, and access the rucksack. Not a veteran? That's OK. IAVA accepts support from the general public as well. If you are not affiliated with the military, you can still volunteer if you have a passion for helping veterans. Most importantly for our civilian supporters is your chance to get involved and show your support, and it is always appreciated.

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com 7/26/10