100 Faces of War

JR came across this fantastic story of artist Matt Mitchell who is painting the portraits of 100 Portraits of Americans who served in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has set up an online exhibition at100FacesofWarExperience.org and each image is both touching and educational. As of today's date, he has completed 36 portraits and will continue his project until he reaches 100. Most of the portraits are done in person, however, some of the portraits are done posthumously. The artist asks for a statement from the subject, or from their family. The combination of words with the visual image can be both provoking and heartbreaking.

100 Faces of War Experience Portrait: Jeffery Michael Lucey by artist Matt Mitchell 2008

One of the portraits that touched us was that of Jeffery Michael Lucey of Belchertown, MA. A Marine Lance Corporal Convoy Driver, Lucey served in Iraq in 2003. Upon returning home from Iraq, he took his own life due to Post-Traumatic Stress. A letter that he wrote from Iraq accompanies the portrait, and broke my heart:

Baby,
If you have this letter, I am no longer around. This was not written to make you cry, but to let you know that because of you I lived a happy and complete life. Because of you I was able to experience what real love is and how wonderful the feeling, to truly be in love. Of course we also showed each other how frustrated we could really get but I wouldn’t even change that. You were the only person I ever loved but I don’t want that to be so for you. Live your life and enjoy every moment. I will always be there with you, watching you, and since you’re alive don’t play dead; live and find love again. Make some guy as happy as you made me, but make sure he treats you better than I did. You are an angel and deserve to be treated like a goddess.

Portrait of Rick Yarosh, who was injured in an IED in Iraq 2006, painted by artist Matt Mitchell in 2008.

Some of the portraits are done in military uniforms (ranging from dress blues to a PT shirt) while other represent the subject in a casual t-shirt or tank top. Each subject is placed against a subtle brown background, with their eyes intent on the viewer. The portraits become an intimate moment captured of the subject and an intimate experience from the viewer. Different branches of the military are represented as well as National Guard and civilians who have been to Iraq/Afghanistan during the conflicts. Some of the strongest portraits show veterans that survived an IED and brings the reality of war to the portrait series. The portrait to the left is currently on exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, DC.

The portraits can be viewed at a variety of exhibitions, mostly on the east coast. Please visit the 100 Faces of War website to view the current exhibition schedules. We hope that the portraits will eventually come to California to view the portraits for ourselves.

If you participated in the current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, you can apply on the website to have a portrait done.

~ Nicole

Originally posed on PTSDdiary.com on 8/22/10

Sending Care Packages to the Troops

Have you already read our "Our Story" section of The PTSD Diary? If so, then you may already know how we met. If not... here it goes: JR was serving in his second tour to Iraq in 2005 (OIF3). I was in my hometown of Bakersfield, CA, waiting to hear if I was going to be accepted to grad school. I did not know anyone in the military at the time, and did not know anyone who was in or had been to Iraq. But I remember hearing a story on the news about our troops and something prompted me to Google "sending care packages to Iraq." A website called "AnySoldier.com" came to my attention and through the website (and with the help of my Mom), I sent over 100 care packages to men and women who were currently serving in Iraq. JR was the first package I sent and he kindly emailed me saying "Chocolate bars are not the best items to send to Iraq because it's over 120 degrees." I was a newbie at creating care packages and the weather had never crossed my mind. It was also my first indication of the conditions what our soldiers have to endure. We kept in contact platonically by email and instant messenger and when he was on leave we met for the first time and something "clicked." The rest is, as the say, history.

So what is AnySoldier.com all about? Their website explains:

We have volunteer Soldier "contacts" on the "Where to Send" page. They list what the folks they represent want and need. Click through the names and YOU select who YOU wish to support, then YOU send direct to them. We even have a search capability so you can easily identify what the troops need, who you wish to support, etc.

All the Soldiers involved in this effort are military volunteers stationed in areas that are in harm's way. You send your support (letters and/or packages) addressed to them and when they see the "Attn: Any Soldier®" line in their address they put your letters and packages into the hands of Soldiers who don't get much or any mail first. Everything is shared.

When JR signed up for the website, he would list out what he needed/wanted for him and his fellow soldiers. He received hundreds of packages in response to his post. He gave most of the packages away to his fellow men and kept a few for himself. JR was stationed in a location that had very small PX (and at times, no PX), so any food he received, he was very thankful for. People also sent magazines, books, movies... great distractions from the everyday life in Iraq.

We sent care packages last year with the help of friends: Erica, Hayden, Nicole & Isis

We have continued to visit AnySoldier.com and send care packages together every once in a while. I even coordinated a small care package drive with my previous employer and sent out 30+ packages in 2009. You can pick from different branches (if you have a preference). Most of the soldiers will give you some information about their unit and what they would like/need on their deployment. Some items are simple (personal hygiene products, food) and some are specific (like tactical gear). And don't forget the women: they often request feminine products and magazines.

JR may not be in the military anymore, but we still feel very connected to those that fight for our country and spend deployments away from their families and love ones. It's so simple to pack up a care package and ship it off and give the men and women overseas a little piece of home.

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com 8/16/10

Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA)

I just became a new member of an organization called Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, or IAVA. Their organization is dedicated to helping OEF/OIF veterans network in a variety of ways. They provide links for employment, social networking exclusive to veterans, as well as providing general information on veteran benefits.

IAVA members pose with Miller High Life sponsors

They also help take action to help veterans. Recently I received an email from the IAVA community that held a link to a letter to congress. It was a petition to persuade congress to allow National Guard soldiers cleaning up after BP in the Gulf to count their time towards their GI Bill benefits. Due to a bureaucratic loophole, the Guardsmen and women currently do not receive active duty time for what they are doing in the Gulf, despite the fact that they are working around the clock to clean up the oil spill. Thanks in part to IAVA, congress is becoming aware that this is unacceptable. I was happy to join their efforts to change this policy by signing their petition, and I hope that the change is made quickly.

OEF/OIF veterans can go to IAVA's website and find all kinds of useful information. They update information on veteran employment rates, veteran suicide rates, changes in federal legislation (most recently the Obama administration changes in the PTSD rating system and caregiver benefits), legal benefits, financial assistance, and much more.

IAVA volunteer embraces an amputee at Dodger Stadium

They also have a fun side. Through the IAVA "rucksack" http://rucksack.iava.org, veterans can take advantage of many other benefits. IAVA has taken groups of veterans to sporting events free of charge. In California, veterans took the field at Dodgers Stadium, and had the opportunity to take pictures with legends such as Tommy Lasorda, all free of charge. Veterans have attended games at Dodger Stadium, PETCO park in San Diego (Home of the San Diego Padres), and also attended a Washington Nationals game, free of charge. Currently, veterans can sign up to attend a Packers Game in Green Bay, Wisconsin, an MLB game in Phoenix, an Alaskan fishing trip, and several other sporting events through the rucksack. Feel free to check the IAVA rucksack for events in your area.

IAVA game attendees meet baseball legend Tommy Lasorda

Any veteran of the OEF/OIF conflict can access the IAVA membership site atwww.iava.org. You will need to scan a copy of your DD-214 with your character of discharge, as well as a photo ID card such as a state drivers license. It takes IAVA about 48-72 hours to verify your eligibility. Afterwards, you may set up your social site to connect with other veterans, and access the rucksack. Not a veteran? That's OK. IAVA accepts support from the general public as well. If you are not affiliated with the military, you can still volunteer if you have a passion for helping veterans. Most importantly for our civilian supporters is your chance to get involved and show your support, and it is always appreciated.

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com 7/26/10

Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA)

I just became a new member of an organization called Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, or IAVA. Their organization is dedicated to helping OEF/OIF veterans network in a variety of ways. They provide links for employment, social networking exclusive to veterans, as well as providing general information on veteran benefits.

IAVA members pose with Miller High Life sponsors

They also help take action to help veterans. Recently I received an email from the IAVA community that held a link to a letter to congress. It was a petition to persuade congress to allow National Guard soldiers cleaning up after BP in the Gulf to count their time towards their GI Bill benefits. Due to a bureaucratic loophole, the Guardsmen and women currently do not receive active duty time for what they are doing in the Gulf, despite the fact that they are working around the clock to clean up the oil spill. Thanks in part to IAVA, congress is becoming aware that this is unacceptable. I was happy to join their efforts to change this policy by signing their petition, and I hope that the change is made quickly.

OEF/OIF veterans can go to IAVA's website and find all kinds of useful information. They update information on veteran employment rates, veteran suicide rates, changes in federal legislation (most recently the Obama administration changes in the PTSD rating system and caregiver benefits), legal benefits, financial assistance, and much more.

IAVA volunteer embraces an amputee at Dodger Stadium

They also have a fun side. Through the IAVA "rucksack"http://rucksack.iava.org, veterans can take advantage of many other benefits. IAVA has taken groups of veterans to sporting events free of charge. In California, veterans took the field at Dodgers Stadium, and had the opportunity to take pictures with legends such as Tommy Lasorda, all free of charge. Veterans have attended games at Dodger Stadium, PETCO park in San Diego (Home of the San Diego Padres), and also attended a Washington Nationals game, free of charge. Currently, veterans can sign up to attend a Packers Game in Green Bay, Wisconsin, an MLB game in Phoenix, an Alaskan fishing trip, and several other sporting events through the rucksack. Feel free to check the IAVA rucksack for events in your area.

America's Birthday and the "Bombs Bursting in Air"

As everyone knows, our Nation's birthday is right around the corner. It is a day for celebration, especially for veterans who have risked everything for our country. For us it is not just a day to remember the birth of our country, but it is also a day to remember what we fight for, and to be thankful that we are still here to celebrate with our friends and family. And while I am happy to celebrate with the people I love, it can also be a little difficult.

This Sunday, the air will be alive with the smells of barbeque, watermelon, and gunpowder. The fireworks display on the 4th of July is the most identifiable part of the celebration. The colors, the sounds, the smells: these are all magnificent and dramatic reminders of the "bombs bursting in air" from our National Anthem. As much as I enjoy celebrating the 4th of July, I still have trouble with the fireworks.

The funny thing about fireworks being used to represent bombs is that they actually do sound like bombs. Hearing that loud boom and smelling the gunpowder has a different association for me now. I have struggled for years to get past my discomfort with fireworks. Two months ago, I actually stood through a fireworks display at a local event. I found out that if I stood behind something, I felt a little bit better. I took my place behind a tree, and watched the display. On the very last boom, there was an incredibly loud bang accompanied with nothing but a white explosion. I fell to the ground and tucked myself in, ready to absorb the shock. It was instinct, nothing more than muscle memory. The crowd cheered and clapped, and were very entertained. And while I was proud of myself for standing as long as I did, I still felt that I wasn't quite over the fear completely. This Sunday will be another test, and I will see where I am at from there. I have no problem when I am in control, lighting them myself. When I am out at a display the sound still bothers me, especially when there is a shockwave from the larger explosions.

Even with these issues on my mind, I am prepared to celebrate this Sunday. I love this country, and I am proud to call it home. I will be outside, lighting sparklers in my backyard, grilling out, and thinking about how great it is to be here (or back here as the case may be). As uncomfortable as I may be with fireworks, I will not let it stop me from remembering what Independence Day is all about. I want to wish all of my fellow veterans out there the best of luck this 4th of July, and I hope that all of you and your families have a wonderful, fun, and safe holiday weekend.

~J.R.

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com, 6/30/10

Our 1st Anniversary

June 13, 2009

Tomorrow is June 13th and our 1st anniversary as a married couple. A year ago, we committed to the vows to love each other, for better or for worse. We are definitely in the "better" phase right now, more in love today than yesterday.

On our honeymoon

Thanks to receiving JR's backpay for his PTSD disability right before our wedding last year, we spent our honeymoon in the Dominican Republic, enjoying an all-inclusive resort and truly enjoying our surroundings and each other. We needed that vacation after all we had been through earlier that year and it was a nice break from reality. We hope to return to the DR one day, it is such a magical place!

Tomorrow, on our anniversary, we're going to a Dodger game with our best man and a bridesmaid. We won the tickets at a church raffle; the church we got married at, for tickets on our wedding anniversary, for our favorite team... we are lucky!

We have had a wonderful year, one that had brought us closer together and reminded us how lucky we are to have found each other. Here's to many more years of happiness and continuing our united fight against PTSD/TBI. We're going to win over this condition, and we're going to win it together.

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com, 6/12/10

Once a Warrior Always a Warrior: Chapter One Review

It has taken me a little over three weeks, but I have finally finished the first chapter of the book Once a Warrior Always a Warrior by U.S. Army Colonel Charles W. Hoge, MD (retired). Sorry it has taken so long, the chapter itself was not incredibly long, but we've been busy lately.

So, what did I learn? This chapter is an introduction to PTSD, the effects on our lives, and a pretty detailed breakdown of the symptoms. There is a description of the DSM criteria for PTSD, and a sample of the checklist used to screen for post combat emotional problems. There is description of the PTSD criterion A, B, C, and D. All of these add up to a very informative chapter. I cannot honestly say that it opened my eyes to a world I never knew, but I can definitely say that it helped me realize that I do fit into a certain group after all. I felt that the book was speaking to me specifically at times. There were also quotes from actual servicemen and women beautifully woven into the chapter. They are not named, which makes the quoted much more relevant and interesting, because you know that it is not someone trying to tell a war story to get their name out there. While reading these quotes, I found myself wondering how these people knew that, or I found myself asking "You too? I feel the same way!"

One of my favorite parts of chapter one was a description from the author of PTSD as a "paradox". He explains that medical professionals look at PTSD as "the specific set of symptoms and impairment" (pg. 9). He then goes on to explain that PTSD "can also reflect normal responses to life threatening events or the normal way the body responds to extreme stress" (pg. 9). In this way, according to the book,"Reactions that mental health professionals label 'PTSD' may be entirely expected for warriors who have trained and prepared themselves to deal with serious traumatic events"(pg. 9). In short, what is considered to be abnormal by mental health professionals is actually quite normal under the circumstances for most of us combat veterans.

I put the book down better informed, and relieved that other veterans are having similar experiences to my own. It was refreshing to see that the book was written for those of us who do not know medical language, anyone can pick up this book and actually be able to understand it. When you mix all of this with the symptom explanations, and the fantastic quotes from anonymous warriors, it is a great read. I am excited to read further into this book, and will continue to review the book as I get further along.

~J.R.

Once a Warrior--Always a Warrior: Navigating the Transition from Combat to Home--Including Combat Stress, PTSD, and mTBI

Originally posted on PTSDdiary.com, 6/11/10